Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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