im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
