So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
