Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
