Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
