OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The Olympian is in my bed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
