yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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