Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
