I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
