I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
