You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
