dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
