Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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