You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
