I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
