is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
