I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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