You really coming over, don't trick.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
