When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
