I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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