Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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