I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
