I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
