worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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