Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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