I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
