I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
