she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
