just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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