that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
