Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
