I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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