I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
