Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
