I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
