Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
