he was CRYING into my vagina
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
