I looked at my own cervix.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
