I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
