I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
