Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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