Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
