I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
