Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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