I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I bet he comes in French.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
