i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I bet he comes in French.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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