It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
