Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
