Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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