my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
