We're facebook friends in real life
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
