The maid of honor just puked.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
