me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
