3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
More tranny stories later!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
